The Centre's core objective is to help men to stop abusing women and children. In doing so we provide clients with simple, easy to understand guides to help them become aware of their behaviour.

One such guide is the following checklist, drawn up from years of working with abusive men.


VIOLENT, ABUSIVE AND CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR CHECKLIST.

 

We ask our clients to check each type of abuse you have used in your regular contact with your partner/victim. Using the procedure detailed in the Time Out document you should maintain a daily diary which analyses your abusive behaviour. If you think that you are not being abusive in any of the ways described below, then you should use your daily diary time to analyse previous episodes of abuse. Although there will not be time to go through your diary entries in the group programme, you will be asked to present it occasionally so that we can help you with the process of understanding your behaviour. It is important to know that this list is not intended to be exhaustive. You may be using other forms of abuse which are not included here. If so, add them to the list and inform the Centre staff. This will help us to help you and increase our effectiveness with other men.

 

PHYSICAL ABUSE.

 

Slap, punch, grab, kick, choke, push, restrain, pull hair, pinch, bite, rape, use of force, threats or coercion to obtain sex. Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which frighten her.Abuse of furniture, pets, destroying her possessions, tearing or spoiling her clothing. uninvited touching, covering her mouth to stop her talking.

 
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE.

Threats of violence, verbal or non-verbal, direct or indirect, self-inflicted injury eg. hitting your head on walls or threatening suicide.Intimidation eg. standing in doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of your size to intimidate, standing over her, driving recklessly.
Harassment, eg. uninvited visits or calls, following her, checking up on her, embarrassing her in public, not leaving when asked.
Isolation, preventing or making it hard for her to see or talk to friends or relatives and others. Making derogatory comments about her friends.
Yelling, swearing, being coarse, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures.

VERBAL ABUSE

 

Criticism, name calling, swearing, mocking, put downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, humiliating. Angrily waking her up from sleep.    
Interrupting, changing subjects, not listening or responding, picking up the paper when she wants to talk, twisting her words, topic stringing.
Claiming the truth, being the authority. Claiming the right to define what is logical, rational, reasonable or fair in the relationship. Calling her stupid or otherwise defining her behaviour as illogical, unreasonable irrational etc. Logic chopping, lying, withholding information about your activities, infidelity.
 

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Economic  harassment, getting angry with her about 'where the money goes', not allowing access to money, the car or other resources, sabotaging her attempts to work, believing you are the provider and thinking that she could not survive without you, saying that the money you earn is yours.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Pressure tactics, rushing her to make decisions, hurry up, walking in front of her, using guilt, sulking, threats of withholding financial support, manipulating the kids.Using pornography, including home videos, against her wishes.
Not helping with child care or housework, saying that you have already done a days work. Not keeping to agreements. Abusing your power over the children, either emotionally or physically.
Feeling stressed and tense and using this to get into a frame of mind when you blame her for everything which goes wrong:- things you can't find, mess etc. This is usually a prelude to a violent attack and you should pay particular attention to this so that you can stop before you reach flash point.
Emotional withholding, not expressing your feelings or giving support, thinking your problems are more important than hers, not giving attention or compliments, not respecting her feelings, rights or opinions.
Not taking care of yourself and refusing to learn basic life skills, cooking etc. Abusing drugs, alcohol, not eating properly, not making friends and seeking help and support from them. Believing you have the right to define appropriate wifely and motherly behaviour and not offering your expectations to negotiation. Criticising her motherly qualities or performance. Accusing her of neglecting the children or using threats of taking the kids away etc.
Telling her that if she doesn't like it she knows what she can do, pack, leave etc. Not acknowledging that the relationship is important to you, telling her that you don't need her or love her etc.


It has to be said that  many of these behaviours  when taken in isolation amount to control rather than abuse. The context of the behaviour is  crucial in determining whether or not it is abusive


The Centre began with a simple objective, to stop men from abusing women, and we have gained a vast amount of experience during the last 32 years. The opportunity we have had to work with large numbers of men has enabled us to gain insight into me's problems which is not afforded many practitioners.

Consultation Services.

The co-ordinator of the Centre, Adam Jukes is recognised as one of the world's leading clinical researchers on men's abuse of women. He has published widely in academic journals and teaches on many forensic psychotherapy training programmes on issues concerned with men's abuse of women and children. He is a regular contributor to conferences on men's violence and abusiveness to women and children.

His publication include the books:-

Why Men Hate Women 1994

Men Who Batter Women 1999

Is There a Cure for Masculinity [2010]

What You've Got is What you Want, Even if it Hurts. 2016